


no alarms

by razzysnow



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Coming Out, Eventual Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Sad Louis, Sadness, Stress, eating disorder maybe, larry - Freeform, not too sad but just feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:44:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8743159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/razzysnow/pseuds/razzysnow
Summary: Louis feels a bit sad. But for no reason. He's having trouble figuring out that sometimes people don't feel sad because of something. They just are. And that's valid.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> in all honesty this is everything im feeling spilled into a larry fic. this is way to help me right now. so this fic is 100% unplanned. 
> 
> this will talk about possible anxiety, possible eating disorders and internal homophobia. I say that because I don't even know if that's what they are. 
> 
> i've heard that what i feel is childish. and that it's selfish of people to hide the fact that they're gay from loved ones. 
> 
> i guess the main point of this fic is to tell people to stop being jerks. And that your feelings are valid. 
> 
> Don't ever force someone to come out if they can't even be honest with themselves.

He hasn’t written in three days. 

It’s not a big deal. That’s about… 72 hours right? It’s not like he’s getting paid for this. He writes because it’s the only way his hands can create some form of expression. He can’t paint or draw or god forbid, do  _ pottery _ . But typing or holding a pencil, that’s a bit more manageable. 

So three days. That’s not bad. Writer’s block happens. 

And then it’s like everything never happened. It’s two years laters and Louis hasn’t written a single word. (Besides essays for class that he left for the night before it was due) 

It’s become normal. The way he never leaves his house unless necessary. The constant feeling that he’ll never amount to anything. Having trouble falling asleep. Moody. Irritated. 

He’s thinking about this now. How he was different before. He doesn’t want to think about it. He wants to sleep. 

The problem is that if he doesn’t stop thinking, he won’t be able to sleep. If he doesn’t sleep, he’ll be tired tomorrow. If he’s tired he won’t have the energy to do anything. And that’s the way he always feels. 

Tired. 

Sometimes it’s because he doesn’t sleep. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if he did sleep. 

He forces himself to go eat dinner with his friends. 

Liam and Niall meet up with him at the cafe down the block. Louis likes walking. He goes the long way to give himself some time to prepare for the evening ahead. 

He walks inside and Niall crashes into him.

“Whoops-”

“Damnit Ni.” Louis scolds playfully. 

Niall messes Louis’ hair, “Go order. We did already.”

Louis nods and gets on line. It’s the middle of Summer and Louis orders a hot chocolate. The girl at the cashier gives him a funny look but taps the buttons on the screen anyways. And Louis’ fifty cents short.

“Fuck.” He mutters under his breath.

“It’s fine.” The girl says. 

“Thanks.” Louis responds, quickly walking away to the “pick up” side. 

His drink was ready and that snapped him out of his thoughts. He went to go grab it when he heard a soft chuckle behind him, “hot chocolate?” 

Louis turns and faces a guy taller than him with his hair in a bun. Green eyes. 

“Yeah.” Louis replies. “Not that weird.” 

“Yes it is.” 

Green eyes grins and Louis rolls his eyes as he walks to his table.

Louis' evening wasn't so bad. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Louis realized something was wrong when he threw a plate across the room. 

It shattered and Louis felt relieved. But then realized he had to clean it up. Broken glass is dangerous. Then he felt stupid. 

He couldn’t focus on doing his homework. He wanted to do it  _ now _ . So maybe he could do something later. Because he can’t do anything else while leaving his tasks undone. 

He took a nap. Woke up at 3am and went for a walk. It was a time where he felt relaxed. 

He could go to a nearby park and lay down on the grass. 

When he looked at the stars he realized how small he was. And how small the world actually is. And how small his problems were. And how much he didn’t know. 

He had life. 

It was a reminder. And it didn’t make his head hurt to think about  _ life _ (like what the actual fuck is that). 

So it made him feel better. That he could still make things better. 


End file.
